Why I’m Here

Me, in an email to my sister, Megan:

Did you know there are NO ANTELOPE in the Americas, despite that stupid song about this being “where the deer and the [fucking] antelope play”??!  What is it about this country that makes us want to teach our children everything wrong at a young age?

P.S.  There are pronghorns though, but they are not antelopes.

P.P.S.  If you google “where the deer and the antelope play,” Google tries to suggest you search for “where the deer and the cantaloupe play.”

P.P.P.S.  If you did have an antelope, and you cut off its legs, it would be an antelop.

P.P.P.P.S.  You are welcome for such wonderful blog material.

My sister, in response:

Maybe you should write your own blog, because this is pretty much golden.  I would read it every day and comment on all of your posts about how brilliant you are.  I’m serious.  I know you still think I’m being sarcastic when I say I’m serious but I’m really serious and I don’t know how to convey it to you because I’m usually sarcastic so I guess you’re just going to have to believe me that I would like your blog.


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