One time, I fed a bamboo plant a Capri Sun.
It was not my bamboo plant; it was my friend’s, and in my defense, I’m pretty sure she said I could.
Also, I replaced the plant after it died. Most of its dying occurred within the first 48 hours after exposure to the liquid formerly enclosed in a silver foil pack with a cartoon skateboarder.
Now they make Capri Suns with real juice. They also make ones with a full serving of vegetables, which seems somewhat wrong. They’re too thick.
Sometimes I think these new kinds are probably for the best. It’d be nice if not everything around us was trying to kill us.
Don’t worry though, they still make the poisonous ones, too. Which is good, because other times I drink a poisonous Capri Sun and think, “MAN! This is great! I feel just like that cartoon humanoid figure on a skateboard doing flips! I could liquify into something that looks like mercury and flies through the air just through the sheer awesomeness of this drink!”
…I still pack Capri Suns in my lunch every day. Old habits die hard. Also, I really like those tiny yellow straws.