I am a lightweight. This is okay. It’s cheap. And it keeps me from doing a lot of stupid things because the rate at which it becomes very complicated for me to figure out how to get home is a very fast one, so it keeps me from really drinking very much at all.
So I usually drink staying in, rather than going out. This works extra well because:
I am a very cuddly drunk.
When intoxicated, I am all over anything warm and cozy. You could present me with a porcupine, and I would be all over that.
This also means that if you unleash me in a group of people, I will find the best cuddler in the room before too long. Tyler (aka Klinky), if you are reading this, you are so far the best cuddler I have ever encountered. Congratulations.
Unfortunately, people often interpret my basically climbing into their lap or burrowing into their side as horny. This could not be further from the truth. You see, horny usually implies a desire to remove clothing, whereas I’m all like, “Let’s add a few dozen blankets, some cats, and maybe a space heater to this mix!”