Why “Thumpity-thump-thump” is an Inadequate Way to End a Song

In high school for summer reading some year, we had to read How to Read Literature Like a Professor, which can be summarized as such: authors put all sorts of symbolic stuff in their work that you will probably react to whether or not you know it, but you can look way smarter if you recognize it.  Sex scenes are tasteless.  Rain always means rebirth.  Colors always mean multiple things (except for rainbows, those just mean gay  — just kidding, that wasn’t in the book).  And Christ figures are freakin’ everywhere.

Last Friday I was driving home, listening to Christmas music, and I came to a very profound realization, you guys:

Frosty is Jesus.  Like, totally.

Christ has risen!

Shall we review?

  1. “There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found” — Frosty the Snowman, like Jesus, has mysterious, magical beginnings – in winter – that we can’t quite explain.  In other words, Frosty’s existence is a miracle.
  2. “He was made of snow, but the children know how he came to life one day”  — Frosty has believers, and they are adamant.  They also happen to be children, in line with that whole meek, innocent, etc thing.  Either that or Frosty has some misaligned intentions.
  3. “The children say he could laugh and play, just the same as you and me” — Frosty is just like us, just like Jesus is human, just like us.  Luckily, Frosty has entered this century and at least knows how to shave.
  4. “Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day” — Frosty knows his end is imminent.  Random question of the day: would you rather melt or be crucified?
  5. “Running here and there all around the square” — Frosty has a whole bunch of followers that he leads all over the place.  Didn’t Jesus do that?
  6. “But he waved goodbye saying, ‘Don’t you cry; I’ll be back again someday'” — Frosty meets his imminent end with a promise to once again return.  And be awesome.

Verdict: Frosty is a Christ-figure, if not Jesus himself.

DaVinci saw it, too.

DaVinci saw it, too.


2 thoughts on “Why “Thumpity-thump-thump” is an Inadequate Way to End a Song

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