How to Tell If You’re Special

Somewhere along the line, somebody (perhaps a big purple dinosaur?) probably told you that you were special.  This was probably a blanket statement made to you and others with no proof whatsoever, meant to bolster your self-esteem (or maybe more maniacally to crush it to smithereens when you finally discover that it was all lies, lies, lies).  Or it was a commentary on the innocence and potential of youth.  Or something like that.  The constant refrain of a song repeated endlessly until everyone is confused.  (Much like the confusion about actual songs — seriously, who the heck was Mary, and why did she have a lamb?  Where did you she get it?  Who was dumb enough to let her bring it to school?  Did she get detention?  Was the lamb eventually slaughtered and eaten?  I mean, let’s get some real answers here.)


But if you’re going to maintain this idea that you are special, you’re going to need something to go on before long.  I am special.  You know why?  Because you’re not supposed to be able to tickle yourself, and I can totally tickle the roof of my mouth with my tongue.  BAM.  Special.

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