Why I Shouldn’t Tolerate the Internet

Despite the concessions I may have made in a previous post, the internet is rather scary.  But there is one reason, above all others, why the internet has a core of evil:


Web MD Symptom Checker


Me, according to computer doctors on the internet. 


My right ear has been ringing for almost two days straight now.  Here are all the things that might be wrong with me:

  • Exposure to loud noise — The only loud noise I have encountered lately was the internal cry of exasperation when I learned that Web MD now has a dog version of this.
  • Aspirin poisoning — I don’t know that I’ve ever taken aspirin, but now I am terrified.  Thanks.
  • Tinnitus — You know what this is?  Ear ringing!  How awesome: my ears could be ringing because my ears are ringing.  Interestingly, if you click the link for Tinnitus, the possible causes do not line up with the symptom checker list: loud noises, excess earwax, high blood pressure, ear or sinus infections, thyroid problems, Meniere’s disease, drug side effects.  Basically, every part of me is malfunctioning.
  • Meniere’s Disease — Inner ear vertigo.  Now I’m wondering if I was dizzy getting out of bed this morning because it was not morning but the middle of the night, or if I was dizzy because I’m about to start suddenly falling down all the time.
  • Labyrinthitis — So at least this one does have a cool name.  It appears to be inner ear vertigo caused by an ear infection.  Given that my ear keeps ringing and everything on that side sounds funny and I am a little dizzy, this is probably my problem.  Especially because I really want to have the thing with a cool name.


Also, every single one of these things is made worse by smoking (Even aspirin poisoning?  Really?) and can result in permanent hearing loss.  Anybody want to take an ASL class with me?




5 thoughts on “Why I Shouldn’t Tolerate the Internet

  1. Ear ringing might be one of the only symptoms you can out in the thing and not end up potentially having cancer.

    Also Meneire’s disease really sucks. I know a euphonium player who has it, and she can’t hear pitches correctly whenever she’s having a bout or whatever (so she switched from performance to education, which is downright insulting, but that’s beside the point). Also when it strikes she needs a wheelchair or to stay in bed because she gets so dizzy she can’t walk.

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