How I Pick Winners

One of my work friends enjoys the cruelty of sending me postings for animals at the humane society that I cannot yet adopt.  My current apartment complex does not allow pets, so I have to wait until my lease is up.

Jenny: (sends me posting for cat)
Me: this is cruel
Me: but also, that cat’s like
Me: ok-ish
Jenny: bwhahahaha
Me: but probably not the cat I would pick
Jenny: I would call him scar face!
Me: it’s a girl
Me: and henna is a pretty good name for her coloring
Jenny: then I would call her that… plus she looks like she wants to kill someone.  that’s a sign of a good cat!
Me: i like romeo’s facial patterns
Me: http://www.animalhumanesociety.org/adoption/detail/17777022
Jenny: he is part albino tiger
Me: he is gorgeous
Jenny: fact
< Then we talk about our retirement plan set up for a little bit.>
Me: I HAVE TO BE 70 1/2 TO GET THIS MONEY?
Me: we have no longevity in my family
Me: i’m expecting to die by 75
Me: this is not going to work for me
Jenny: haha yep so better spend it quick when you get it!
Me: that is ridiculous
Me: I intend on retiring before then
Me: how do they expect me to afford that?
Jenny: yep… our bonus isn’t actually a bonus.  it’s a string filled retirement plant
Me: yeah i’m going to be a librarin
Me: so i’m gonna need some of this money before i’m dead
Me: also, if i could have cash, I could move early and get handsome handsome romeo
Jenny: hahaha then you could get a house with a cat room!
Me: OH MY GOSH ROMEO WAS ONLY SURRENDERED YESTERDAY
Me: WHO SURRENDERS A CAT NAMED ROMEO A WEEK BEFORE VALENTINE’S DAY?
Jenny: obviously not Juliet hahahaha
Me: cats are funny
Me: i really want romeo
Me: he’s really pretty
Jenny: my mom is redesigning the layout of the house bc my cat is getting old and can’t jump as well so she is making stairs for him so he can climb everything
Me: romeo can climb everything without stairs
Me: seriously though
Me: how can i move 3 and a half months early?
Me: or like
Me i need a girlfriend
Me: because then i could convince her to keep the cat
Me: until i can move
Jenny: hahaha isn’t that like using a guy for his body… using a girl for her ability to house a cat
Me: i mean, presumably she would also be good for snuggling
Me: and in a truly ideal world, cooking
Jenny: unless she is bony
Jenny: and has no taste buds

 

 

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3 thoughts on “How I Pick Winners

  1. You have to be 59.5 to get the money. At 70.5 you have to stop sitting on your stash and start withdrawing. You can also withdraw money early for emergency expenses, or borrow against the account, in case you have to do something like build a handicapped-cat-accessible house.

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