How to Plan for the After Life

Has it ever occurred to you that some of the seven deadly sins are much better than others?  I’m not talking from a moral standpoint.  I’m talking about practically.  Most of the deadly sins have an upside to them.  For example:

  • Gluttony:  You crave and accordingly eat yummy, yummy things and lots of them.
  • Greed: Again, you crave and get lots of stuff you probably like.  Yes, there’s that whole “money can’t by happiness” thing, but you know what money can buy?  A yacht.  An army of trained squirrels.  The silence of others.  All that food you need for your gluttonous sin.
  • Sloth: If you’re thinking sloth sounds bad, ask yourself — are you really opposed to pajama days?
  • Lust:  There is that whole getting laid thing.  Most people are pretty cool with that.
  • Pride: Being proud plain old feels good.  Also, it is often associated with rainbows.  Win-win.
  • Wrath: To be honest, anger makes a lot of things happen.  According to movies and other popular media, wrath might also sometimes be a good sin to mix with lust.  If you want to be more moral about it, though, you could just combine your wrath with sloth.  Then you’re essentially living the life of all those dumb people that get into rage fights on internet posts, and they certainly seem to get a kick out of that.

But you know what sin really doesn’t have an upside?  Envy.  Envy sucks.  I mean, you don’t really gain anything with envy except a solid sense of inadequacy.  Unless you’re really into green eyes.

So plan wisely, fellow miscreants. 




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