Smell You Later

For a long while now, I have thought that my therapist’s office has a distinct smell.  Not bad, at all, but also subtle.  I long ago concluded that it must be a soap or lotion or detergent my therapist uses, because it’s super subtle, only really in her room, and generally clean-ish smelling.

Today, at work, I went to the bathroom.  (This happens most days.)  At work, we have one of those offices where the lady’s room always has some smelly lotion somebody has left for general consumption.  Sometimes we have flowers, too.  (I checked with a male coworker, and the guys do have the flowers, but no lotions.)  Today, there was a new lotion: Cedarwood and sage.  It caught my eye because in contrast to most of the lotions we cycle through, it was branded more utilitarian and “fresh” than overly flowered.  It was also in a container that implied it might be a thicker lotion, and using it might therefore result in nice moisturizing rather than a hand-based slip-and-slide oily experience.  In other words, both my nose and my keyboard would likely survive the use of this lotion.

So I took a minuscule amount.  It was, indeed, a nice consistency.  And it smelled exactly like my therapist’s office.  So much so that I am almost a little teary this afternoon, having conditioned myself into crying whenever I smell this smell.

…This is one of those occasions where I am experiencing a major minor victory, (minor in that it has no real consequences, major in that the identify of this smell has been bugging me for years — so the win is super sweet, with no real ramifications), and it means absolutely nothing to anybody else.


New Year Resolutions

I have a gym buddy that I meet weekly.  In the past, we’ve gone to the gym on my campus, which allows one accompanied guest for free.  Given my recent graduation, we’re scrambling to come up with new plans.  This last week, we ended up at somewhere that wasn’t exactly a gym…

Me: (Snapchat to Girlfriend: Selfie of me smirking, tables in background, captioned: We definitely made it to the gym…)

Girlfriend: That looks like a bar…

Me: (Snapchat pictured below:

Snapchat of gym friend, captioned: No, definitely a gym

This is my gym friend.

Girlfriend: That’s the barriest looking gym I’ve ever seen.

Cheers to setting expectations at a very attainable level for 2016!

Politeness and Old Cats

I had to wipe my old cat’s nose.

Girlfriend, to cat:  You know, as a cat, you’re supposed to be able to take care of this yourself.

Me: Hey!  He’s really old.  You wouldn’t say that to a really old person.

Girlfriend: I might if they were really senile.

A Funneral for Words

Coworker: Oh, I need to vent about new words

Me: new words?
Me: are they good new words?
Me: or like words where people decided to drop parts of real words?
Me: or combine words?
Me: or words definining social phenomena?
Me: or harry potter words?

Coworker:  Yes, hmm, not really, somewhat, yes, yes, probably

Me: wait onboarding wasn’t already a word?
Me: and cat cafe, also already a thing
Me: manspreading is like a quick coined term that’s going to die in another few years

Coworker: Yes, they were ‘things’, but apparently not words

Me: also, mkay is spelled mmkay
Me: try asking a hangy person if they are “a hangry hangry hamster”

Coworker: Well, now you don’t sound so uneducated when you say it.

Me: they get SO MAD

Coworker: So here’s my beef:

Me: turkey

Coworker: We get all kinds of “new words” when dictionary people decide they need more web hits… Why don’t they add words like “alright”?

Me: wait alright isn’t a word

Coworker: Nope. o_O
Coworker: It ought to be, don’t you think?
Coworker: Everybody uses it.

Me: yeah and like altogether is a word so old-school word merges are generally already in

Coworker: How about “funner”? I grew up being taught that the proper way to express it is by saying that something was “more fun”.

Me: i dislike funner

Coworker: Ah, but do you know why?

Me: funnest isn’t a thing either
Me: because it sounds dumb
Me: and also because people instilled its not worthy of word ness in me
Me: but also it sounds super dumb

Coworker: It does sound odd, I’ll grant you that, but I think consistency is more important. Adjective, adjectiver, adjectivest.
Coworker: Quick, quicker, quickest, green, greener, greenest, fun, funner, funnest

Me: no

Coworker: Also, one of the new words is pwn, which I guess makes ‘w’ a vowel

Me: OMG my scrabble game just got so much better

Coworker: lol
Coworker: Scrabble’s got their own dictionary; they might not sync with Oxford’s
Coworker: Then again, knowing Scrabble, they probably already had it

Me: true
Me: OK, i am going to fair land

Coworker: Alright, have the funnest of times
Coworker: [sic] x 2

Me: EW
Me: actually, i don’t mind funnest
Me: funner is dumb
Me: OH
Me: awesome pun
Me: slash new word suggestion
Me: funneral
Me: a funeral that is more entertaining that usual

Coworker: Alternate defintion suggestion:
Coworker: When somebody says or does something that totally ruins the fun

Me: solid

Biopsy Bandaids – Week Two

Here is week two!



Things that happened this week that shed some light on some of these: I got my biopsy results (ferocious tiger stripes), my sister wanted me to be a cyborg (outlet and plug), I saw Hunger Games (Mockingjay), Ferguson indictment (lynching), Thanksgiving (gobble).