A Funneral for Words

Coworker: Oh, I need to vent about new words

Me: new words?
Me: are they good new words?
Me: or like words where people decided to drop parts of real words?
Me: or combine words?
Me: or words definining social phenomena?
Me: or harry potter words?

Coworker:  Yes, hmm, not really, somewhat, yes, yes, probably
Coworker: http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/27/living/oxford-web-dictionary-new-words-feat/

Me: wait onboarding wasn’t already a word?
Me: and cat cafe, also already a thing
Me: manspreading is like a quick coined term that’s going to die in another few years

Coworker: Yes, they were ‘things’, but apparently not words

Me: also, mkay is spelled mmkay
Me: try asking a hangy person if they are “a hangry hangry hamster”

Coworker: Well, now you don’t sound so uneducated when you say it.

Me: they get SO MAD

Coworker: So here’s my beef:

Me: turkey

Coworker: We get all kinds of “new words” when dictionary people decide they need more web hits… Why don’t they add words like “alright”?

Me: wait alright isn’t a word

Coworker: Nope. o_O
Coworker: It ought to be, don’t you think?
Coworker: Everybody uses it.

Me: yeah and like altogether is a word so old-school word merges are generally already in

Coworker: How about “funner”? I grew up being taught that the proper way to express it is by saying that something was “more fun”.

Me: i dislike funner

Coworker: Ah, but do you know why?

Me: funnest isn’t a thing either
Me: because it sounds dumb
Me: and also because people instilled its not worthy of word ness in me
Me: but also it sounds super dumb

Coworker: It does sound odd, I’ll grant you that, but I think consistency is more important. Adjective, adjectiver, adjectivest.
Coworker: Quick, quicker, quickest, green, greener, greenest, fun, funner, funnest

Me: no

Coworker: Also, one of the new words is pwn, which I guess makes ‘w’ a vowel

Me: OMG my scrabble game just got so much better

Coworker: lol
Coworker: Scrabble’s got their own dictionary; they might not sync with Oxford’s
Coworker: Then again, knowing Scrabble, they probably already had it

Me: true
Me: OK, i am going to fair land

Coworker: Alright, have the funnest of times
Coworker: [sic] x 2

Me: EW
Me: actually, i don’t mind funnest
Me: funner is dumb
Me: OH
Me: awesome pun
Me: slash new word suggestion
Me: funneral
Me: a funeral that is more entertaining that usual

Coworker: Alternate defintion suggestion:
Coworker: When somebody says or does something that totally ruins the fun

Me: solid


Roughly Nonsensical

How come if you say,

“Roughly 18,”

everybody’s like ok, roughly 18, somewhere between 15 and 20,

but if you say,

“Roughly 17,”

everybody’s like woah, oddly specific.  Same with 19.

How Doubt Manifests Itself

You guys.  What if I’ve lost my funny?  I think I’ve lost my funny.  Shut up, Eric, I did have funny.  And I do have friends.  Little brothers are so overrated.


It has completely disappeared.  Just like my Pokemon Gold version for Gameboy color, which I lost on a roadtrip out to the East coast for a wedding of some cousin.  I was little, okay?  I don’t know what cousin it was, but I do know:  I LOST MY POKEMON GOLD CARTRIDGE, and it has NEVER shown up AGAIN.


It still haunts me.


What if my funny is gone FOREVER?  I feel like Little Bo Peep.  I have lost my sheep, they are funny sheep — I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM!


Are funny sheep the same as black sheep?  Because I think you can probably have lots of funny sheep, as opposed to one per family, and I also imagine that funny sheep are not too wild about you shearing them down to take three bags full of their wool.


Maybe that’s what happened to my funny!  Somebody sheared it!


Wool grows back, right?


FYI, sometimes I write blog posts ahead of time, like the night before.  This is what my brain looks like after bedtime.