A Funneral for Words

Coworker: Oh, I need to vent about new words

Me: new words?
Me: are they good new words?
Me: or like words where people decided to drop parts of real words?
Me: or combine words?
Me: or words definining social phenomena?
Me: or harry potter words?

Coworker:  Yes, hmm, not really, somewhat, yes, yes, probably
Coworker: http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/27/living/oxford-web-dictionary-new-words-feat/

Me: wait onboarding wasn’t already a word?
Me: and cat cafe, also already a thing
Me: manspreading is like a quick coined term that’s going to die in another few years

Coworker: Yes, they were ‘things’, but apparently not words

Me: also, mkay is spelled mmkay
Me: OBVIOUSLY
Me: ALSO HANGRY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE WORDS
Me: try asking a hangy person if they are “a hangry hangry hamster”

Coworker: Well, now you don’t sound so uneducated when you say it.

Me: they get SO MAD

Coworker: So here’s my beef:

Me: turkey

Coworker: We get all kinds of “new words” when dictionary people decide they need more web hits… Why don’t they add words like “alright”?

Me: wait alright isn’t a word

Coworker: Nope. o_O
Coworker: It ought to be, don’t you think?
Coworker: Everybody uses it.

Me: yeah and like altogether is a word so old-school word merges are generally already in

Coworker: How about “funner”? I grew up being taught that the proper way to express it is by saying that something was “more fun”.

Me: i dislike funner

Coworker: Ah, but do you know why?

Me: funnest isn’t a thing either
Me: because it sounds dumb
Me: and also because people instilled its not worthy of word ness in me
Me: but also it sounds super dumb

Coworker: It does sound odd, I’ll grant you that, but I think consistency is more important. Adjective, adjectiver, adjectivest.
Coworker: Quick, quicker, quickest, green, greener, greenest, fun, funner, funnest

Me: no

Coworker: Also, one of the new words is pwn, which I guess makes ‘w’ a vowel

Me: OMG my scrabble game just got so much better

Coworker: lol
Coworker: Scrabble’s got their own dictionary; they might not sync with Oxford’s
Coworker: Then again, knowing Scrabble, they probably already had it

Me: true
Me: OK, i am going to fair land

Coworker: Alright, have the funnest of times
Coworker: [sic] x 2

Me: EW
Me: actually, i don’t mind funnest
Me: funner is dumb
Me: OH
Me: awesome pun
Me: slash new word suggestion
Me: funneral
Me: a funeral that is more entertaining that usual

Coworker: Alternate defintion suggestion:
Coworker: When somebody says or does something that totally ruins the fun

Me: solid

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S-E-X

Let’s talk about sex.  Here’s a story from a woman at work that I heard during our holiday party yesterday:

My kids aren’t allowed to say “sex” or “sexy” or any of that.  But they’ll find it in games — I don’t know why, it’s always the games — and they’ll come running, “Mommy! Mommy! This game has a bad word in it!  Should we take the card out?” […]  And then [child] the other day was like, “Mom, what does S-E-X mean?” and I was like Oh, crap! “It means like whether you’re a boy or a girl.”  [Co-worker asks how old child is.]  He’s 8.  Seems a little young to know about all of that.

It is not my place to tell you what to teach your child and when to do it, but you’d better believe I am going to judge.  This poor child is going to be sexually mature within the next decade, and he will have spent at least the first decade of his life thinking that “sex” and all things associated with it are bad and forbidden like other (actually) bad words.  Talk about baggage.  In some part of his mind, that’s going to stick with him for decades.

There are definitely things you are slowly initiated into over time, like your knowledge of sex.  My family was one in which your questions were answered.  Anatomically, with hand-drawn diagrams of various organs that could take over the dinner table, food half-forgotten.  I really appreciate that in retrospect.  Sex was what brought about babies.  I could understand that.  I could understand the body parts I had and the body parts male bodies had and how they worked together, which at least made sense logically, although it did seem a little sketchy where motivation was concerned.

I do remember, though, one Christmas when one of my cousins was in town and she was telling a story and stopped suddenly and was like, “Wait, do your kids know about sex?” to my mom.  And my mom answered, “Yes, but they think we’ve only done it three times.”

My mind was blown.

The idea that people would have sex to have sex and not for babies was confusing.  And I had previously believed all sex lead to a baby, so I was not sure why I only had two siblings if my parents had had sex more than three times.

I remember the “Joy of Sex” books on one of our bookcases, although I’m not sure I ever pulled them out.  I remember trying to look up “oral sex” in the dictionary with a friend because I had a puberty/sex book that mentioned but did not explain it.  I remember totally wanting to avoid the topic completely for most of my teens because I knew I wasn’t thinking about sex in the same way as everything had informed me I would (spoiler alert: totally gay).

Everyone has a different journey growing up and learning about sex.  But I really feel for that 8-year-old, who either doesn’t know how to pronounce S-E-X as a word or feels so much shame around it that it must be spelled.  Puberty is going to hit that kid hard.

BSE might be BS

The other night, my brother sent me a SnapChat of my Facebook profile with my job title, Associate Software Engineer, circled and a comment about my not having a BSE.  It prompted this conversation:

Me: Fact of life: you can be an engineer without ever having taken a physics course.

Him: Physics is for physics majors

Him: And rules are for fools, but that’s not relevant

Me: I don’t even have a BS

Me: I have a BA

Me: I am a mathematical artist!

Me: Which is basically the definition of engineer.

Him: Engineers are problem solvers

Him: You are a liar

Me: That’s like all math is.  Problems.

Him: Idk if you are stuck up enough to call yourself an engineer

Me: Math is about solving impossible problems; engineering is about solving solvable problems.  So… suck it.

Me: #semicoloninatext

Me: #usedcorrectly

Him: Correctly but not necessarily.  Semicolons are used to connect an independent clause to a related dependent clause; like this.

Him: Or two related independent clauses.

Me: You know the correct rules, but neither negates my use case’s validity

Me: My awesomeness and I are going to bed.

Him: I’m telling your boss about this tomorrow

Him: And then I’m telling mom

 

 

Mmmm… Peanut Butter

I recently quit my job.  13 days ago, in fact.  Tomorrow is my last day.  To commemorate that, here is a gem of a post-4 pm IM conversation.

 

Me: <quote about SharePoint 2013 finally letting you copy/paste into rich text editors>

Me: HOORAY FOR SHAREPOINT 2013

Friend: but.  no design tab on SPD.

Me: but copy paste

Me: it’s like they’ve embraced 10 years ago

Friend: look at these NEW FEATURES

Friend: oh and we heard that ‘apps’ was a cool word, so we started calling everything an ‘app’

Me: it already was apps

Me; except we said applications

Me: which is way more intimidating

Friend: yeah, that’s too technical for a business user

Friend: they can’t think of how an application could work.  but an app… they’ve got ideas there

Friend: do you happen to have that friend

Friend: who always has a cool mobile app idea

Firend: and wants you to help them

Me: I am that friend

Friend: I feel like you’re not exactly that friend… you might actually have a legitimate idea

Me: yeah but i don’t want to do it myself

Friend: my friends are like ‘we should make an app for text books for students’

Me; your friends sound boring

Friend: And I’m like… you mean.. like the thing that’s already been done.  by a team of people. who are way better at what they do than me?

Me: yeah i totally have an e text book and it’s great

Me: EXCEPT

Me; The arrow keys don’t work

Me: so you should make an app

Friend: 😀

Friend: seriusly though, people constantly talk to me about crap like that… drives me insane

Me: seriuosly though, if you only do work at work, they give up

Me: you have to stop like building robots in your free time

Friend: haha

Friend: I actaully haven’t written any code outside of work since I started here

Me: because work sucks all the fun out of it

Friend: exactly

Friend: I get like… oooh I have this cool idea of a thing to ma… oh my god I’m doing work for fun NOOOOOOOOOOO

Me: you should start a blog

Friend: and then I sit on the couch and binge netflix until I pass out

Me: then you could become internet famous

Me; your blog could just be like stuff you would do if work didn’t suck all the life out of you

Me: also, it could involve gifs

Friend: but could it involve jif-gifs?

Me: yeah i don’t get it

Friend: never mind then… pronounciation + peanutbutter joke

Me: peanut butter is delicious

Friend: agreed.